Recently, Michael Savage went on a tirade against Autism on his syndicated radio show. I doubt he thought of someone like me, with a husband who is very involved in his children’s lives, and two sons who are not disciplinary problems, but still struggle with Autism. I doubt if he thought of my sister, who, like me, is not a welfare recipient who is also married but has a son who has been struggling with the limitations of Autism for the last 8 years. I doubt he thought of how painful it is to watch a child cry, not out of misbehavior, but because they simply are unable to communicate their thoughts and feelings verbally. I doubt he thought of how it feels to want your child to be able to say “I love you” and can not.

I doubt he gave a moment’s pause to the many parents who are heartsick watching their children trying to overcome Autism.But he should have.The comments he made were ignorant at best, cruel at worst. Perhaps before he goes on about Autism, he should learn a bit more about what it is he’s talking about.

Listen for yourself, and join Media Matters in telling Mr. Savage the truth about Autism:

I have found a new challenge: How to teach my children to love each other. You see, long ago I learned that love is more than just a feeling. Feelings are subjective, and you can never experience the feelings of another. But actions are visible, tangible, and can be experienced by many. So, how do I teach my children that to really love each other means to treat each other with kindness, care, and respect?

Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

1. Use Your Words - You can cry and shout and hurl sound or fists at one another, or you can learn to calmly use your words to express what you think, how you feel, and what you need from your brother or sister.

2. Say You’re Sorry - An honest apology makes a big difference when feelings are hurt.

3. Ask How To Make It Better - An honest apology is made even better when the injured party can let the other know what could rectify the situation and mend fences. I’m teaching the kids to ask “How can I make it up to you?”

4. Best Friends - Right now, the best friends my children have are each other. I try to remind them often and ask them how best friends treat each other.

5. If It’s Not Fun For Everyone, It’s Not Fun - One child left out with their feelings hurt is one child too many. So, if one person is getting the cold shoulder, or being left out, it’s not fun and can’t continue.

6. Be Assertive - I try to teach them to discuss issues with each other before coming to me. An, “I don’t like that, please stop.” can go a long way and go over much better than an “I’m telling Mom!” Mostly I want my kids to know how to set the boundaries of what they will and will not accept, and know how to stand up for themselves. At the same time, I also want them to know when to call in reinforcements. So, if you can’t talk it out, then come and ask for help.

7. No Yelling - It’s no good using your words if no one can understand you. The same holds true for whining. It never lasts too long in this house.

8. Gentle Touch - Hands are for kindness, and arms are for hugging. We use gentle touch with each other, because we care about each other. Hitting does not show that we love each other.

Generally, my kids really enjoy each other’s company, and discipline, while necessary, isn’t a huge issue in our house. But I’m always looking for ways to cultivate the relationships they have. Because I want them to last a lifetime, and see them through when I’m no longer here to do so.

Where do we homeschool?  The question has been asked by The Heart of the Matter and is being answered by homeschooling moms and dads all over the place.

It’s a really hard question to answer, because, as homeschoolers, we take our educational opportunities as we find them.  We homeschool all over the place.

We homeschool at the kitchen table, the couch, the grocery store, the bank, the post office, the car, on airplanes, and everywhere else in between.

Homeschooling is flexible, portable, and can become an easy extension of your every day home life.  The best part is that I keep learning, too.  And it’s a really incredible bond that’s forged when you discover the world with your children.

Recently, the readership of my homeschool blog has gone up dramatically. I’m not sure if it’s readers from White Washed Feminists or if it’s readers who’ve come from Tulip Girl’s blog spurred on by Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy. In any case I thought this would be a good opportunity to discuss our beliefs about discipline and parenting.

In the book of Proverbs we read: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24. This verse has been taken to mean that one must spank in order to properly discipline. But I don’t believe that Scripture ultimately bears that out. Another Proverb talks about the “rod of correction” meaning that correction itself is a rod. A rod, of course was something used by shepherds to care for their sheep (for more on the rod and why it’s not an instrument for spanking, see my post here). I think it’s important to remember also, that Proverbs should never be applied as law. They are called proverbs for a reason.

“A stitch in time, saves nine” is an old secular proverb. It reminds us that doing a little work now can save us more work later. That’s a sage piece of wisdom, but not a promise or a law. The book of Proverbs discusses the importance of disciplining children, not spanking.

Parenting is a tough gig. It’s one of those jobs that you don’t really get graded on until your child is grown. We do a lot of guessing and second guessing of our choices. And parents that don’t, probably should. This is way too important a job to breeze through like you have all the answers. Parenting a child is being given stewardship of one of God’s precious children. That’s a huge job, and a humbling one.

So, what exactly do kids need? Well, manners are awfully nice. So is a good attitude, cooperation, and (yes I’m going to say it) obedience. Now, with obedience, I don’t mean that they should be mindless followers. I want my children to obey because I have authority over them and because they trust me to make the right choices even if they don’t understand them.

I teach manners through example. “May I have that please?” for a toy, and “thank you” when it’s given or “you’re welcome” for a thank you. In my experience there’s been no better way to teach my children the importance of opening doors for people, giving up a seat to an elderly person, and all the other manners that I’d like my children to display, then by modeling it for them, and by play acting it out at home.

Attitude is always a struggle. Proverbs 17:22 says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” It’s one of those verses I use to remind my kids of how important a good attitude is. In the end, emotions don’t matter so much as actions. And I tell my kids that they’ll be happier if they have a good attitude. But if they can’t be happy about something that’s okay. But they are not allowed to mope around or spread that attitude to others. They are allowed to have whatever feelings they’d like. But they can not act any way they’d like.

Our kids have to cooperate, and they have to obey. They’re allowed not to like it, and they’re allowed to want to know why. That doesn’t mean that they can get out of doing it, or that they’re going to be given long explanations. Sometimes the answer is “because I said so” and because they have to trust us. Still, that’s not always the case, and when we can explain, we do. We want our children to understand that we don’t ask them to do things arbitrarily, but because there’s a real reason.

So, what happens when they don’t do it, or when they misbehave? Well, we work hard to make sure that the boundaries are clear. We try to give direction at face level with them and make it clear what expectations are as well as consequences. We also try to teach the behavior we want to see rather than the behavior we don’t want to see. For example, “You must remember to use gentle touch with your sister” rather than “no hitting!”

We do use time outs as one way to enforce boundaries. A child gets a warning and then time out if the behavior continues. Our ten year old may use his time out as a time to reflect on his behavior and write down what was wrong with it. Also, after the time out they may have to clean up if they made a mess, or in some other way, correct their action. Time outs can be used very effectively, and I encourage parents to learn about them. I would also say that children do test us from time to time with their behavior. They have to know that we can slay monsters for them, and if they know we can’t even stand up to them, they won’t be able to trust us to slay monsters.

Mostly, we know that we can’t force our children’s hearts or their respect. We don’t want to break their spirits, we simply want to mold their passions toward positive things. We strive to earn our children’s respect by showing them what it means to be respected as human beings. We show our authority by creating strong boundaries and holding to them. And we seek to foster the strong bond that will allow us the insight to be able to parent each of them distinctly, in the way they need to be parented.

Like I said, parenting is a tough gig. I’m not going to sit in judgment of those who do it differently than I do. But I draw the line at being told that the only way to discipline is with spanking, or that they know how to parent “God’s Way”. God parents us with mercy and grace, and I will strive to do the same knowing that even when I fail, God will forgive me. Hopefully my children will see that, too.

My mother made a comment today that I wasn’t supposed to take personally, yet I did.  She said she hoped I wouldn’t wait until fifth grade to put Piper into a public school like I did Reagan.  Not wanting to simply be offended at a perceived slight, I asked my mother why she thought Piper needed to go to school.  My mother was quick to explain that while she thought I was an excellent teacher, she thought Piper should have more socialization.  I looked at her in complete surprise and said, “Have you met my daughter?”,  for a more social child would be hard to find.

I think socialization persists as one of the great homeschooling myths because it is so hard to quantify, or test.  We don’t have children winning National socialization contests, or surpassing their public schooled counterparts in socialization testing.  Still, I thought that my mother, seeing my children as she does, would see quite easily that socialization is not an issue for them.

She assured me that she could see that Piper was quite social and appropriately so.  But she worries about the future.  My mother will acknowledge that my child gets on well with peers, is learning appropriately and is bright.  Yet to her, school is something more than just a place to learn, but it is a place where one begins networking for the future.  And socialization is more than just how people think a child interacts now, but how they think a child will interact later.

I go back repeatedly to the idea that children throughout history have been properly socialized within the context of the family.  Teaching my children how to interact with the rest of the world can be taught quite well in a homeschool setting.  Therefore, the decision of where my children will be educated will be always based on what we believe their current needs to be and where they will best be met.  For the time being, Piper has no need for public school.